Why You Keep Self-Sabotaging (Even When You Know Better)
You’re self-aware. You’ve read the books. You’ve done the journaling. You know your triggers—and yet, you still catch yourself stuck in the same old loop.
You shut down in the middle of something important.
You overcommit, then burn out.
You say yes when you meant no.
You reach for your coping strategy before you even realize what’s happening.
And afterward, you beat yourself up.
Because you knew better.
But here’s the truth:
Self-sabotage isn’t about knowledge. It’s about pattern.
And your pattern isn’t random. It’s ancient. It’s protective. It’s deeply wired into your nervous system.
This isn’t a mindset problem—it’s a regulation one.
And once you learn to see your pattern clearly…
You can finally start to soften it.
What self-sabotage actually is (and why it's not your fault)
Self-sabotage isn’t you being lazy, flaky, dramatic, or inconsistent. It’s your nervous system stepping in to keep you safe the only way it knows how.
When something feels threatening—even if it’s just emotional vulnerability, visibility, or the fear of getting it wrong—your body reacts.
Your heart rate rises. Your breath shallows. Your brain starts to scan for danger.
And without even realizing it, you’ve hit the same default button you’ve always hit: the one that makes you withdraw, over-function, control, appease, or disappear.
This is not about willpower. It’s about wiring. And your body believes it’s helping you.
Dr. Peter Levine, one of the pioneers of somatic experiencing, teaches that unresolved stress and trauma get stored in the body—not just as memories, but as reflexive, protective patterns. Your nervous system doesn’t distinguish between past and present threat. It only knows the felt sense of danger. Which is why so much of your self-sabotage is actually self-protection.
2. Meet your personal pattern
This is where the Enneagram becomes a powerful mirror.
Each type has a deeply ingrained coping strategy it developed in childhood to maintain connection, control, or protection. These strategies once kept you safe—but now, they often keep you stuck.
Type 2s tend to overgive and lose themselves in other people’s needs, and resent them for it.
Type 9s shut down or numb out to avoid conflict, and forget who they really are.
Type 6s spiral into worst-case scenarios to prepare for disappointment, and get stuck in indecision.
These aren’t personality flaws. They’re your unique healing code.
And when you learn your type, you can finally see the pattern clearly—and work with it instead of against it.
Haven’t taken the quiz yet? [Start here.]
3. You can’t out-think a pattern your body believes is protective
You can read all the affirmations in the world. But if your body doesn’t feel safe, it won’t let the change stick.
Your default reactions live in your nervous system, not your logical mind. That’s why the work isn’t just mindset. It’s somatic.
This means practicing ways to regulate your system in real time. Breathing deeper when you want to disappear. Moving your body when you feel frozen. Naming the fear out loud instead of spiraling in silence.
Creating space between the trigger and the response is the work. And it’s the foundation of real, lasting change.
4. What healing your stress pattern actually looks like
It’s not about becoming perfect or never reacting again.
It’s about noticing sooner. Choosing differently. And treating yourself with compassion when you fall back into the old groove.
Healing looks like:
Feeling your stress response and staying present
Naming your default pattern without shame
Creating small moments of choice in the middle of the storm
Building consistent nervous system practices that your body can trust
It’s not a quick fix. But it’s the most honest, embodied way forward.
This isn’t self-help. This is self-reclamation.
If you’re craving a safe container to understand your patterns and embody new responses—The Embodiment Project is where we begin.
This 4-week group experience blends Enneagram insight, somatic tools, and spiritual practice to help you soften your self-sabotage cycle and build a new way of being inside your body.
Join the waitlist below and get:
First access to the presale rate
A bonus audio practice to begin regulating now
An invite to a live masterclass this October
Rooting for you and forever believing in your growth.
xo Rachelle
